I have to get better at updating this. I want to look back on it and say that I grew from here. Things have been slow, but good. My mom is doing well. She’s had her throat dilated twice and is eating soft foods. We’re due for another PET scan this month so hopefully the Universe continues its goodness and her scans come back clear. I am grateful for this time with her. I am grateful for second, third, sometimes fourth chances.
I’ve been writing more and more. I’m gearing up for the festival season next year. I’m also dipping my toe further and further into the acting pool. It’s something that thrills me and terrifies me. Coming into work and watching the clock countdown was old years ago. I want to do something that makes my heart feel wide open.
I keep saying I’m moving and although my intentions are there, I am still here. Unmoved. But wanting to make an exit still. My mother is getting better and she’s okay with me going. More than okay. My nieces aren’t thrilled about it, admittedly. But they are understanding. Honestly if everything continues going smoothly the only thing stopping me would be my own fear. In threeish months I am going out west to visit (tickets confirmed, time off from work, no backing out). If I like it enough then I’ll leave for good (for good for now) in August. Exciting and fearful and terrifying and hopeful.
I made a new friend. Honestly. Making friends, especially while out of the comforts of school is fucking difficult. But here we are. She’s a powerhouse of humor, intersectional feminism, creativity, and most of all kindness.
Last night I had a panic attack. I don’t know what about. I was sleeping and it woke me. I don’t know why I’m mentioning it other than to just mention it. Speak it out loud.
I’m attempting to live life. I hope whomever reads this is attempting to do the same.
Until next time.
30-something Mississippi queer. Bleeding heart with a soft spot for honesty and oversharing. Conquering corporate America and my own insecurities– one day at a time.