the ache inside of the pause

Speaking on love Erica tells me her new girl has one of the purest heart she has ever met. She pauses briefly, looks at me. Follows it up with “Or at least the purest heart that I have had the privilege of being with.” Speaking on friendship, Leslie says to me, “Well…” and she stops. I watch her and I see the words formulating in her head, she erases them, fits them together in a different order. When she speaks I can feel that her words have intention. A stranger walks in,  I say “Hello, how are you?” It is automatic. I am smiling anyway. He waits. I watch as he rubs his hands together. I can hear that they are calloused. He looks around, he smiles. “I think I’m okay, Miss.”

I am learning to be like these people. I am learning about how great a pause can be. I am learning to only speak truth. It’s a slow process and I feel vulnerable more than I don’t. I think I’m suppose to though. I think this is what life is about.


Leona View All →

30-something Mississippi queer. Bleeding heart with a soft spot for honesty and oversharing. Conquering corporate America and my own insecurities– one day at a time.

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