Keep in mind I don’t know shit about paganism. I’m learning what I can slowly, so as to really take it in, but I don’t know shit about paganism. I’m bright-eyed and wondering about it, intensely interested in it, but for a third time I don’t know shit. Now that I’ve thoroughly stated my ignorance on the subject, I would love to talk about it for a moment and a series of events that have transpired over the past few years. I met a girl in 2013 and she was the most awe-inspiring thunderclap. I fell in love so fucking blissfully. It uh did not go super well and only recently am I learning to be okay and at peace with it. But that’s not really the story. The story is set somewhere in the middle of the end. She and I hadn’t spoken for a solid year. She was dating someone else and I had dated a few others, nothing serious, because there was always this ache. I physically ached for her. She is the only person whose memory has ever demanded such acknowledgement from my mind and body. I found myself outside one night wishing on a star: Karla, Karla. Make her remember. And I shit you not a few weeks later she’s emailing me and she asking me to speak to her. Demanding me to acknowledge her in real life and in memory. So I did and everything was just fine until… it wasn’t. In February it’ll be another solid year since I’ve spoken with her. This isn’t the story, not really. The story is about the wish. The stars. Who the fuck heard me. Now I want to talk about the subject that I don’t know much about. There’s a star goddess. I’ve read that she’s called Dryghten (I’ve also read that Dryghten is something totally different). She’s the one you speak to when you wish on a star and she’s the one I think heard me that night. From what I understand about this goddess is that she doesn’t particularly like humans, which is why so many wishes go unanswered but sometimes she develops a soft spot, grants the wish. She granted my wish and it could have been because she doesn’t like me because it was just the same nonsense. Same bullshit. Same relationship that it was. However, I’m an optimist and I don’t feel like she granted my wish out of some need to stick it to me or whatever, she did me a favor. The ache I’ve felt for years has gone and the broken heart I’ve not cared for is healing because I’ve tended to it instead of inflicting the same old punishment unto it. I’m not wrapped up in what could be but what is. I think had I not have made that wish I would still be wondering about the browns of her eyes. That’s the way the story goes. Sometimes you need to be hurt by the cosmos to learn your lesson because your too stubborn to open your eyes yourself.
30-something Mississippi queer. Bleeding heart with a soft spot for honesty and oversharing. Conquering corporate America and my own insecurities– one day at a time.