I love the New Year. I understand that time is just a social construct and in the scheme of Everything it doesn’t matter, but for me it’s always been cleansing. For a girl who doesn’t do well with endings and who has a tendency to dwell on things that happen between the start and stop,the New Year has always signified hope. This year most especially. I’ve been living a constant loop for as far back as I can remember. I think that thing that I swore would never happen when I was younger happened. I don’t have a word for it, but I got lost in the hum drum of life. I got lost searching for other people. Other women.Loves I should have left behind. The daily static became a musical that absolutely no one ever applauded for. I fell behind chasing my dreams and forgot that I could just get back up, start the chase again. And sometimes I did, but got distracted yet again. Life is a carnivore, right? I let it consume me without so much of a fight. I won’t make some grand, sweeping statement about conquering life this year, but I will enjoy it. I will enjoy it the way I forgot that I could. I will stop chasing after romantic love. Instead I will funnel my love into my art, my family, my friends, areas that I have neglected for quite some time now. I will do my fucking best to make friends with other weird southern women. I have so many things to accomplish: art, nursing, self love, stability. I have so many things I want to do, people I want to become. The New Year has allowed me to wipe the slate clean (for the most part).
I’m a girl on the verge. Soft and yearning and so fucking full of love.
30-something Mississippi queer. Bleeding heart with a soft spot for honesty and oversharing. Conquering corporate America and my own insecurities– one day at a time.